BE MY DOWNFALL
But the rich never have empty closets, and memories long stashed away come spilling free when notorious party girl Kennedy Gilbert almost dies in his dorm room.
Nobody really knows how Kennedy manages to stay in good standing at Whitman–she never goes to class, doesn’t pretend to care about her future, and as far as people can tell, is never sober. This isn’t her first meeting with a stomach pump, but it is the first time she’s woken up to Toby’s concerned brown eyes. Despite the fact that she prefers life without friends, he gets under her skin with his insistence on playing her guardian angel.
No one knows better than Toby that people can only be saved if they want to be, but the realization that she has no one else draws him back into the shadows of Kennedy’s life–and eventually into her bed. But she long ago came to terms with a truth that Toby refuses to accept: she doesn’t want to be rescued, she only wants to forget.
Unwilling to give up on her, Toby’s dragged under by this broken girl and her dark, twisted Whitman University he never guessed existed. If he struggles to the surface, he’ll abandon someone he loves for the second time in his life. If he doesn’t, it won’t be long until they both drown.
ABOUT LYLA 
I’ve long had a love of stories. A few years ago decided to put them down on the page, and even though I have a degree in film and television, novels were the creative outlet where I found a home. I’ve published Young Adult under a different name, but when I got the idea for Broken at Love (my first New Adult title), I couldn’t wait to try something new – and I’m hooked. In my spare time I watch a ton of tennis (no surprise, there), play a ton of tennis, and dedicate a good portion of brain power to dreaming up the next fictitious bad boy we’d all love to meet in real life.
Be My Downfall by Lyla Payne
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
She’s going to fucking obliterate me, isn’t she?” – Toby Wright
So if you had asked me who the heck Toby at Whitman University was a couple weeks ago I’d have said “Toby who? I know Quinn and I for sure know Cole… but I didn’t remember Toby.” After reading Be My Downfall, I’m pretty sure I’ll never forget who he is.
Since I couldn’t remember Toby, I’m going to remind you – he’s friends with Emilie and was the one that set her up with Sebastian their Sophomore year. Now you know who I’m talking about right!? He wasn’t entirely memorable in that book, but he definitely has my attention now.
Be My Downfall is book 3 in the Whitman University series by Lyla Payne, and she is basically one of the reasons I still read New Adult.
Toby has always considered himself one of the more normal kids at Whitman… with a father in politics he’s had to be pretty careful of relationships, always keeping people at arms distance. He’s messed around with girls, but no serious relationships and friends are always a bit on the superficial level. But that’s okay because he’s got his life planned and he doesn’t need anything that will cause any unwanted attention or questions. Like the questions someone might ask about his brother.
On the outside Toby’s family seems like there can’t possibly be any skeletons in their closets. But that’s pretty far from the truth.
When Toby meets the notorious Kennedy Gilbert feelings and memories he had buried away rise to the surface and despite his knowing better, he can’t help but be drawn to her. While he wants to help her and take care of her, he has learned the hard way that he can’t make the changes for her.
Kennedy Gilbert… she’s the campus drunk – never sober and always with a different guy. She doesn’t have friends and she doesn’t seem to care about anything. She has her reasons, but when Toby gets under her skin will she realize that there is something better out there for her?
It’s not okay to feel good,” she mumbled.
I buried my face in her hair, breathing deep and pulling her tighter against me. “Why not?”
“Because they can’t feel anything.”
Her breathing evened out over the next several minutes while my throat burned and I held onto her, hoping that somehow she would feel that I cared, and that she deserved more.
The tragedy that Kennedy has experienced in her life really sheds light on her outlook on life, and I worried that we would read about how Toby just wanted to save her, but Payne doesn’t do that here. Toby’s history makes him smarter… he knows he can’t save her if she doesn’t want to be. It was wonderful to see their relationship develop over the time they spent together and into something more than the superficial hook up that it started as.
The way they interacted together gave me hope, but there was always that underlying layer of will she or won’t she make the change.
I have to say that I think Kennedy might actually be my favorite heroine that Payne has created of the characters at Whitman. She is so broken and hurt and she has no one to lean on and that made me want to just pull her in and hug her even though she most likely wouldn’t have let me.
And Toby… he’s not this in your face sexy guy, but he’s definitely got it.
“If you want me to remember it, sober or not, you’d better bring you’re a-game,” she murmured, eyes lingering on my mouth.
I tightened my grip on her waist. “I don’t have any other kind.”
These two together were explosive and Payne, as usual, can write some amazing citrus. But what I really loved were the interactions between the two… the build of the friendship, because what Kennedy needed even more than a boyfriend was a friend, and that’s what Toby was for her.
I really loved the flashes told to us readers about ‘the girl’… the girl who used to be Kennedy. It offered us a bit of insight into her life before the accident and after… a bit of her internal thoughts to help us make sense of how she got to where she was when we meet her.
Once again, Payne has pulled me into the lives of these college students, making me feel every twist and turn as she goes. I was afraid that I was going to be overwhelmed with the heaviness of this book, but of course that wasn’t the case. Payne weaves in moments of lightheartedness… things that will make you laugh and smile while still keeping the tone of the story. She’ll make you fall in love with these characters and you’ll be completely okay with that.
Be My Downfall addresses a lot of things, guilt, sadness, despair and trying to cope with loss… but the biggest one for me was the Toby’s realization that you have to trust someone to learn to take care of themselves. Knowing you can’t be the reason someone changes the bad things in their lives is a tough lesson to take and it’s painful and I hurt for both Toby and Kennedy as I took this ride with them.
I’m so incredibly excited for more in the Whitman University series… and call me crazy but I’m still intrigued by Sebastian… I want someone to come and just put him in his place… I’ll be waiting over here Ms. Payne!
Thank you to the author for an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. Please note that any quotes used were taken from an advance copy and may change in the final version.
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